11/08/2006

Madame Speaker!!!!

Yesterday was a great day. Not only did Dems take the house, but they took it by a bigger margin than expected!! Last I saw this morning, we had picked up 27 seats, with several still remaining to be decided. Nancy Pelosi is about the become the first female Speaker of the House. Conservatives such as John Hostettler, Clay Shaw, Chris Chocola and Richard Pombo are out, getting their asses handed to them in races that weren't even close. And my favorite Senator of all time, Rick Santorum, lost by such a huge margin that I'm surprised to hear that he even campaigned!! My girl Claire McCaskill beat Jim Talent, who I consider to be the next-scummiest man alive (behind Santorum, of course). The only sad moment for me was Harold Ford Jr's loss in the TN Senate race - but I take comfort in knowing that that man has big things ahead of him and we haven't seen the last of him on the national political scene.

So what happens now? I suppose waiting on the results in VA and MT is going to get boring after awhile. I wonder if each state will have as many recounts as FL '00 or WA Gov '04? I love having to wait months to know the balance of the Senate (Or in the case of '00, who the President is). Apparently recounts are officially part of the modern election. Someone's going to need to do something about that. I suggest that Sens. Burns and Allen just give up. Burns can go to jail where he belongs and Allen can go ride horses and throw around racist slurs to his little heart's content.

Yes, its a good day. Look forward to more gloating as conservatives like Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh start citing a Clinton Conspiracy to take over the world as being responsible for last night's victory. I mean, it couldn't just be that Americans are tired of the hateful, ignorant, corrupt Republicans that were running the show, could it????

11/07/2006

Public Service Announcement

Ahoy from Republican Land, AKA The Spoke!! Its been awhile since I've written.....so, in honor of my favorite day, which only rolls around once every 2 years, I thought I would post a public service announcement.

ITS ELECTION DAY!!!! And its a big one. Unfortunately we're not electing a new President, but we ARE electing House and Senate members and my beloved Democratic party is poised for big things. I'm talking House takeover, and *maybe* a Senate takeover as well. Its like the birth of a new America.

In case you're on the fence about who to vote for, a Democrat or an evil Republican, think about this - imagine a world where when you wake up in the morning, you know your government isn't run by crazy, hateful, ignorant, intolerant, sleazy, corrupt, selfish people. Rick Santorum will no longer be the junior Senator from Pennsylvania, making stupid, ignorant comments about gay people and women and everyone else who doesn't fall into the "white, straight, male, wealthy" category. Conrad Burns will be in jail somewhere in Montana. Jim Talent will crawl back into his little hole in the ground, hopefully to be attacked by those dreaded stem cells and killed. Just think about it. I'm not saying Dems running the show will be sunshine and roses - I mean, we'll still be stuck with John Kerry and his bad jokes and Nancy Pelosi and her scary post-5th-facelift botoxed clown look. But at least they're fun to make fun of, while the Republicans mentioned above, and about 25 or so others who are on their way out today, are just scary scary people.

SOOOO - the public service announcement. GO VOTE!!!! I don't really care if you're voting Democrat or Republican, b/c let's face it - if you vote Republican you are going to be on the losing team and who likes that? I've had to suffer through being on the losing team for about 8 years now, and let me tell you - it sucks. So make the swtich! Vote Democrat! Its going to be a big day for us - shouldn't we all just be winners together?

9/22/2006

Washington DC's Worst Landlord

Now, as you all know, Blesus and I are careful to protect the identity of our friends and the people we encounter in our every day lives and subsequently write about on this blog.

Well, folks, the day has come where I suspend that practice. I haven't taken Constitutional Law yet (though I will next semester) and am unclear on the rules surrounding what does and does not constitute slander and defamation of character, but I'm willing to take a chance and officially out DC's worst landlord. Well, with a first name - Bob.

Bob is THE WORST LANDLORD in the entire District of Columbia. Oh, let me count the ways:
1)There was the time when Roommate and I went to Chicago for New Years. One wall of the kitchen had a leak. Apparently, the contractor Bob hired FIXED THE WRONG WALL and then painted over our lovely red wall.

2)There was the time that the sink didn't work for 2 years and it took me calling a plumber, who only worsened the problem, for us to get a new sink.

3)One time, the washer broke and leaked water ALL OVER the kitchen and it took Bob a week to 1)get us a plumber or 2)get us a new washer. Thanks, again, to Married Couple, who let me do laundry at their house for hours and hours.

4)He hired contractors to do work on our apartment, didn't tell us about it, and then gave them keys to our apartment and told them they could show up to work "whenever it was convenient for them." Imagine how awesome it was for me and Roommate to get home for the gym at 7pm and see that they were just getting started on pulling up carpet/sanding wooden steps/laying tile/being generally annoying. They would work until at least 10pm every night. We love them.

5)Remember that leak that we had? I think its still there.

6)The bathroom sink broke. Still not fixed.

7)The tiles fell out of the shower. Still not fixed.

8)Roommate's bedroom ceiling leaked. Never fixed.
9)Whenever we call Bob, he either hangs up on us when he hears our voices, lies to us, pretends he can't hear us ("Hello??" "Hello?"), or is an all-around asshole who is generally annoyed with actually having to do work on the piece of crap apartment we lived in.

10)We moved out of the apartment on August 1 and gave Bob PLENTY of notice. We are still waiting to hear about our deposit. I am now threatening him with DC Housing and am tempted to throw my Property professor into the mix (she graciously offered to help all of us with "any housing issues we may encounter" here in Spokane.....I'm SURE she wouldn't mind brushing up on DC housing laws).

This is just a word to the wise. If you ever encounter a man named Bob who is a landlord somewhere near 12th and C SE, I suggest you stay away. Nothing will ever get fixed. He won't respond to your emails. He won't answer your calls. He won't give you your deposit back. To end with the mantra that Roommate and I adpoted over the 3 years we lived there, "Bob Sucks!"

9/14/2006

Transcript: Editors Meeting - Kelly and Blesus on Bobby and Whitney

FROM: KELLY
TO: BLESUS107
Subject: devastation

Are you so hearbroken over the Whitney-Bobby separation? This new development brings many questions to my mind: Will she stop doing crack? Will she return to the Diva Days of yore? Can she still sing? If she does stop hittin' the crack pipe, what will you call your sweat rag???

FROM: BLESUS 107
TO: KELLY
Subject: Re: devestation

yes, I weeped in my pillows last night. This news reminds me of one of my favorite Earth Wind and Fire songs:

That's the Way of the World

Hearts of fire creates love desire
Take you high and higher to the world you belong
Hearts of fire creates love desire
High and higher to your place on the throne.

We've come together on this special day
To sing our message loud and clear
Looking back we've touched on sorrowful days
Future pass, they disappear

You will find peace of mind
If you look way down in your heart and soul
Don't hesitate 'cause the world seems cold
Stay young at heart 'cause you're never (never, never, ..) old at heart

That's the way of the world
Plant your flower and you grow a pearl
A child is born with a heart of gold
The way of the world makes his heart grow cold

All of your questions are valid and have crossed my mind as well. I believe that Whitney may or may not spiral out of control. She may just fall over the edge out of depression and the loss of a friend, companion and bad influence. However, she may not because of the latter. Bobby was a bad influence and because that influence has more or less been removed from her life, she may rebound quite well. I've seen recent pictures of her and she seems to have gained weight, which means she may be off the crack . She and Clive Davis are still tight so I'm praying that she will use this bit of misfortune as a springboard for a monumental comeback. PS: love the use of the word "yore."

And finally, I will NEVER cease from calling my rags anything but Whitney Rags. In my eyes, Whitney will always sweat and so will I.



FROM: KELLY
TO: BLESUS107
Subject: Re: Re: devestation

I am in my crim law class right now. D Y I N G. You'd think it'd be interesting, right? Nope. Not with this professor. We literally analyze cases sentence by sentence. You know what would spice it up? A case where Whitney left Bobby and he spiraled out of control and went on a crime spree, consisting of robbing 7-11s, smoking crack with Divine Brown and walking naked down the street singing "My Prerogative," or perhaps a New Edition oldie but goodie.

FROM: BLEUS107
TO: KELLY
Subject: Re: Re: Re: devestation

or my fav. Bobby song: RONI!!!

"Roni"
Bobby Brown

The truth about Roni, she's a sweet little girl
You could treat her nice real and hold her tight
Only tenderonis can give special love
A special kind of love that makes you feel good inside

If you believe in love and all that it can do for you
Give it a chance, girl, you'll find romance
And if you find a tenderoni that is right for you
Make it official, give her your love

My heart (Woo) belongs to tenderoni (She's my only love)
She's my only love (My only heart, baby)
My heart (Yeah) belongs to tenderoni (She's my only love)
She's my only love

The truth about Roni, she's always on the phone
Talkin' to her homeboy, wishin' they were home alone, ooh
She send you lovely letters with the smell of sweet perfume
This is what a real tenderoni likes to do to you

And if you believe in love and all that it can do for you
Give it a chance, girl, you'll find romance
And if you find a tenderoni that is right for you
Make it official, give her your love, ooh, yeah

My heart belongs to tenderoni (She's my only love)
She's my only love (My only heart)
My heart belongs to tenderoni (She's my only love)
She's my only love

The truth about Roni, she's a sweet ol' girl
About the sweetest little girl in the whole wide world
She'll make the toughest homeboy fall deep in love
Said once you had a Roni you will never give her up
She's a special kind of girl that makes her daddy feel proud
You know the kinda girl that stands out in crowds
Found a tenderoni and the Roni is so right
I think I'm gonna love her for the rest of my life

If you believe in love and all that it can do for you
And if you find a tenderoni that is right for you
Make it official, give her your love, ooh, yeah

My heart belongs to tenderoni (She's my only lover)
She's my only love (My only heart)
My heart belongs to tenderoni (She's my only love)
She's my only love

The truth about Roni, she's a sweet ol' girl
About the sweetest little girl in the whole wide world
She'll make the toughest homeboy fall deep in love
Said once you had a Roni you will never give her up
She's a special kind of girl that makes her daddy feel proud
You know the kinda girl that stands out in crowds
Found a tenderoni and the Roni is so right
I think I'm gonna love her for the rest of my life

My heart belongs to tenderoniShe's my only love (My only heart)
My heart belongs to tenderoni (She's my only love)
She's my only love

The truth about Roni, she's a sweet ol' girl
About the sweetest little girl in the whole wide world
She'll make the toughest homeboy fall deep in love
Said once you had a Roni you will never give her up
She's a special kind of girl that makes her daddy feel proud
You know the kinda girl that stands out in crowds
Found a tenderoni and the Roni is so right
I think I'm gonna love her for the rest of my life

My heart belongs to tenderoni
She's my only love

FROM: KELLY
TO: BLESUS107
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Re: devestation

"tenderoni??????????"

No wonder he does crack

Thursday Nugget

An email I received today from Turkish Delight:

To: Blesus 107
From: Turkish Delight
Re: I'm Uncomfortable


Umm my coworker just came into my office to tell me about how he caught his dogs who are brother and sister, having doggie sex. And then the girl dog got preggers and he had to get her an abortion and the vet was trying to give him a moral dilemma and he was like "look I’m paying you to de-pregify my dog. Just do it!"


WATCH YOUR DOGGIES, KIDDIES!

9/06/2006

Observations on Law School

Creative title, huh? Its the law school thing. It sucks all creativity out of me. I have none.

But I'm going to try, for the sake of a good post! Here are just some random law school musings I had today:

1)Why does it take a judge, like, 9 pages to say what he/she could say in 10 sentences? I wish they would just tell me what happened, who the plaintiff and defendant are, how they're going to rule and why. Also, if they could boil 7 of the pages down to really simple sentences, such as "In this case, I will apply the five factor reasonableness test to decide if the court has jurisdiction," that would make my life A LOT easier. This also applies to professors. Its taken one of my professors THREE WEEKS to get out one simple sentence that would have made my life and those of my peers A LOT simpler. I swear they do it on purpose.

2)Law school is just like high school. Cliques have formed. Gossip is spreading like wildfire. Yesterday I heard about some girl who likes this guy in my class, so she told one of his friends that she likes Guy #1 and asked Guy #2 if Guy #1 "ever mentions her." Oh PS - Girl and Guy #1 have never met. Maybe she should pass him a note in class.

3)Speaking of which, one of my friends and I type notes to each other in class. Its what I imagine life was like before IM. I guess we think we're undercover about it since we're typing on a large, blank Word document with no other words on it, rather than an IM screen?

4)Sometimes I like to come home when I get out of school or the gym and watch Oprah and/or soap operas depending on my reading load for the night. I find this to be completely acceptable.

5)The library isn't quiet. People talk all the time. I'm going to have to start taking my iPod with me b/c today I almost kicked a girl b/c she was talking so loudly and distracting me from a very important blog I was reading. Obviously, it was PerezHilton.com

6)People are totally willing to sell out their friends to look good to the professor. For example, say my Civil Procedure professor calls on Beth to answer question about a case. If she falters, even for half a second, her friends Frank, Joe, Liz and Betsy all have their hands up. And if they do get called on, its plain as day that they aren't trying to "help a sister out." Nope. They want to look better than the person who was called on. I told one of my friends today that if she ever gets called on and doesn't know the answer, I will not raise my hand b/c that's the kind of friend I am. (that would be a good friend, for those of you who are confused)

With those randim musings out in the blogosphere, I leave you now for even more civil procedure reading. Its totally what all the cool kids are doing.

8/27/2006

Pardon Me, Do You Have Any Gray PouPANTS!?

So apparently my dedication to this here blog is as questionable as Enron's accounting practices. It's been over a month since I've last posted and admittedly that is unacceptable. So, I'm taking this opportunity to reaquaint myself with das blog and give you a taste of what I do best: have strange encounters with the even stranger characters of D.C.'s streets.

A couple weeks ago, on my way home from the gym, I see in the distance on P street a man on crutches. This man looks particularly downtrodden. He has a full beard (not unlike that of Limerick Man) and is dressed head-to-toe in hospital scrubs. I see that he is attempting to stop people on the street for whatever business he has to offer, however no one is giving this guy the time of day. Immediately I understand and accept that I will be the next person to be stopped. Point of information: I've become particularly hardened, jaded, cynical, call it what you may having lived in the District and have seen anything and everything you could possibly imagine. A bum fight in the Circle (check), a man in full men's clothing but wearing a woman's wig (check). P.S. that man was NOT Crooked Wig and Jumpsuit Guy. A guy holding a sign the reads "New York Times For Sale: $6.50/issue" but upon closer inspection he in fact is NOT selling the NYT but rather crumpled issues of New York Daily News, New York Post and the Washington Blade from three months ago (check). A woman taking a "shower" under the fountain in Dupont Circle (check). However, at this particular juncture with Crutches Guy my normally detatched self buckled under the weight of his sad state. Perhaps it was the intense heat or maybe I was in a good mood, I don't know.

As expected Crutches Guy approaches me and declares: "Excuse me Sir, I don't want any money but I do have a question. Do you live around here?" Any person with a reasonable head on his/her shoulders would immediately refer to one of the more crucial tenets of life: don't let crazy (looking) people know where you live. I also happen to be reading "Helter Skelter" so I should DEFINITELY be cautious of questionable contact with strangers. I'm all about those light summer reads, by the way. Nonetheless, I defy all better judgment and reply "Yes." After all my building was practically right in front of us. Crutches guy goes on to explain that he, again, isn't looking for money but had just had an unfortunate brush with the authorities because some lady at the Ben & Jerry's shop thought he was a flasher. In reality (according to him, of course) he was just trying to adjust the big bag of ice that was affixed by tape around his scrub-clad thigh. Anyone who's worn scrubs knows that if not tied properly they tend fall down. I could only imagine the day this guy had with his crutches, loose-fitting pants, 3-pound bag of ice and heat stroke-like condition. He also smelled really bad.

At this point the story takes a turn that even I couldn't have expected. He looks me dead in the eye and asks "Do you have any pants?"

Time, as far as I'm concerned, stops at this moment. Several things are running through my head: Did this guy really just ask my for pants? Do I have any spare pants that I'm willing to part with? It's one thing to let this guy know that I live in the general vicinity but it's another for him to watch me walk into my building that we are more or less standing in front of. If anything does goe awry, he's on crutches, I can take him. Does Weeds come on tonight or tomorrow night?

My come-to-Jesus moment ultimately results in me thinking about how life can throw (any of us) curve balls. Yeah my life is comfortable right now. It's easy for me to take advantage of that. It's easy for me to forget as easy as it is for me to go up to Cape Cod for a clam bake (which I did last weekend) it's just as easy for me to lose my job, my apartment and end up on the streets. There's really not that much separating us all. And really, if I were on crutches and hobbling down the streets of DC in 90-degree weather with scrubs practically down around my ankles wouldn't I want someone to give me some comfortable pants?

Additionally, I did just go through some old clothes and currently had a pile of old pants sitting on my bedroom floor, which I had planned to donate. To Crutches Guy I reply "stay right here." I ran into my apartment, grabbed some gray warm-up pants I had stashed in my donation pile and came back out to find Crutches Guy parked on the front wall of my building. When he saw me come back out with the pants in tow he seemed as surprised as I was that I had actually helped him. "Here you go" is all I said and I turned back around and went into my building.

When I came back into my apartment my roommate, who had been there when I first came in, says:

"where did you just go?"

"oh, I just gave a guy on the street some pants."

Then i went into my room to change.

This past weekend, walking down the street while talking to a friend on a phone I pass a guy who ominously points at me as we pass each other. After we pass I wonder "why in the hell did that guy just point at me for no reason?" 2 seconds later I get this whiff of heinous body odor and it hits me: THAT WAS CRAZY CRUTCH GUY WHO WANTED PANTS!!

So Kelly, as you've been turning over new leaves in Spokompton learning about torts, motions and civil procedure I've learned a little civil procedure of my own here in Wash-Town.

After thinking about it the point he gave me wasn't so much threatening but more recognition-based. It was like he was saying I remember you, thanks for the pants. I only wish I weren't on the phone or I would have asked how they fit. I never did like those pants. It's funny the things you'll buy at outlets.

8/25/2006

Bean Sprouts

Did you know that bean sprouts cause food poisoning pretty regularly? Neither did I until I went down to the laundry room in my building and there were two elderly women there discussing that and many other random topics. These included dirt, casseroles, gardening, chalkboards, and some woman they know who is 90 and was just diagnosed with lung cancer. Apparently she's been a smoker her whole life and is only starting to show the negative effects of nicotine. This last fact was met with a lot of shock and awe. Oh, did I mention these women weren't actually doing laundry? They were just sitting in the laundry room. But I guess that's life in Spokompton.

I just wrapped up my first week of law school. Adjectives that come to my mind about this new experience: overwhelming, interesting, stressful, fun, and overwhelming. Some highlights from my week, in regards to both law school and the new hometown:

1)The scary civil procedure professor who I THOUGHT was cool but who gave me the death stare when I asked a question yesterday. You all know I am not easily intimidated, but she scares me to death. How was I supposed to know about permissive parties to joinder? It was my fourth day in law school!!!

2)The group of 5 people in my section (who may or may not be the trashiest people ever) who were literally yelling at people about the seating chart in crim law yesterday. Yes, we have seating charts, but its merely so the professor can locate people when he wants to humiliate them for not understanding the case law, no matter how many hours were spent trying to understand it.

3)The guy who told me and my new friend (I have 1 at this point) that if "you are not in a social group yet, you're pretty much screwed." I know he was being funny and he more than made amends for it today, but seriously. Am I in high school? Because I'm pretty sure I left that sh*t behind at good 'ol WGHS.

4)I've gone through almost an entire canister of coffee in one week. Well, or like a fourth of it, but that's a lot for me!!! I don't even LIKE Folgers!

5)I haven't gotten in bed before midnight any night except Wednesday. And then I have dreams about law school all night.

6)Apparently cat mutilation is a big problem in Eastern WA.

Tonight will consist of an outting with me and my 70 closest friends, ie my section. It should be a good time because there are some really cool people I've met this week who are going, but I also think that I am over the forced social situations. I wish I could fast forward like 10 weeks to where we're all more comfortable with each other and can have fun and not talk about the 7 thing we all have in common - torts, property, contracts, legal research & writing, criminal law, civil procedure and our complete lack of understanding of those 6 subjects.

If anyone needs me tomorrow, I'll be sitting here at home, doing homework.