6/12/2006

Its Intern Season!

Its official - my favorite time of year has arrived. No, its not my birthday. No, its not winter. No, its not Fall TV Lineup Premiere Week. But it IS Intern Season. I know you male readers out there are thinking "YEAH!!!! Interns!!!! They're so hot/young/available! (take your pick)" And you're right - they are oh so young. Which makes them a perfect target. I would just like to take this opportunity to highlight some of my most favorite parts of Intern Season.

The Scandal - As those of us who have lived in Washington, DC since at least last summer know, Intern Season holds endless potential for intern scandals. Who can forget the infamous Paul Kelly Tripplehorn Jr., the intern who broke up with his girlfriend, a fellow intern, over an email that was inevitably leaked to, oh, just about everyone on Capitol Hill? There's also that other famous intern, Jessica Cutler. We all know what she did in great detail, and that she was actually a mail room staffer at the time, but its still worth mentioning b/c it was so scandalous and fabulous when the story broke. I am just really hoping that a juicy story breaks before I leave town in early August - I would hate to miss out on a pathetically overconfident email or a blog detailing someone's dirty, slutty and overly entertaining sexual conquests!

The Outfits - This topic specifically refers to the women. Now, we've all had interns in our offices, whether we're located on Capitol Hill, K Street, or the White House. And I think that hands down, we can all agree that each summer, all of us have that one intern who apparently thinks that working in the office is the same as being in a Britney Spears video. You know the look - thong sticking out of the too-low slung pants; the bra showing out of the top of the shirt; the short skirt that may give the older men in the office a coronary for a multitude of reasons; the shoes that she did in fact wear to her senior year prom in high school. While all of this sounds classy, it actually is not. Being an intern is not an audition for America's Next Top Stripper. It is a place of business, and if I have to wear an Ann Taylor twinset, so do you. However, I wouldn't actually want these young women to change their outfits, b/c then who would we make fun of in the office and roll our eyes at when they walk past our desks??

The Intern Hook Ups - In one of the Capitol Hill offices I worked in that shall remain nameless, I specifically remember two incidents of the Intern Hook Up. One was between interns who both worked in my office. Being the little smarty pants that they are, these two would take extra safety measures in trying to hide their relationship. One of these measures invloved walking the 17 steps around the corner from our office to have their afternoon make out sessions. Needless to say, when they got caught, they figured out how to use the elevator. The second incident involved a high-level staffer in the office and an intern. Granted, they did not start hooking up and then dating and then living together while they both worked in the office, but I think we all knew they were thinking about it. This is despite the almost 8 year age difference, the fact that she just graduated from college and he is nearing the 30-year-old mark, and that no one in their right mind actually dates the interns. But again - if these young, impressionable men and women were not exercising grossly inappropriate judgement, who would we make fun of?

Getting Wasted and Making A Fool Out of Themselves - I'm sure that years ago, when I was an intern, I was guilty of this. In fact, I know I was and I have the pictures to prove it. However, that does not prevent me from enjoying every minute that I am at happy hour/the bar/a restaurant/a party and have first row seats to the debauchery that is the alcohol-consuming intern. There is nothing better than watching these kids, away from home or college and in a big city with plenty of social opportunities, take full advantage of a generous staffer or an open bar or $1 beer night at the Pour House. The outcomes of this include, but are not limited to: obscene dancing (by both men and women, usually some combination of both), drunken makeouts (I do not need to see you licking eachother's faces, thank you), throwing up (I'm not holding anyone's hair back this summer, even if I do feel bad for you), outrageous comments to co-workers and/or bosses (these are generally priceless and I desperately want to start carrying around a tape recorder to save these gems for prosterity), and of course, the next-day hangover which, if we're lucky, includes last night's outfit reeking of smoke and spilt beer and some puking in the office bathroom.

I have six weeks left in town, and the interns arrived approximately 2 weeks ago. Its been a slow start, but I am really hoping things pick up soon. This is an aspect of DC that I will miss greatly, and I'm hoping that when I'm gone you, my friends, will keep me apprised of any developments and/or scandals, as I have a feeling that Spokompton won't have much to offer that could stack up to this form of summer entertainment.

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