Top Ten List: The Workplace Edition

I am especially cranky/tired/annoyed/fed up with the work situation today. The pace has actually picked up around the office and now instead of being bored out of my mind, I currently have more work than a sane person can handle in an 8 hour workday. The upside of this development is that I now have enough fodder for a my favorite type of post - the Top Ten List. Here are some of the thoughts that have run through my head in the past through days:

10)Why is the phone always ringing? How do people get their work done when they are on the phone all day long? My phone is linked to the extensions of all the people I work for, so at any given time there could be 4 different lines ringing. The combination of each person's ring tone, the flashing green and red lights and the blinking list of incoming phone numbers is enough to make a person hear voices in their head and go postal. My favorite part of this ridiculous phone situation? When a client calls for someone I work for, speaks with them, hangs up, and calls back for a different person. Have you heard of a conference call? I hear they are really effective.

9)Do most of you have that person in your office who just won't stop talking to everyone? Every office has one - the person who isn't your friend and you don't necessarily like, but will come to your desk and just start telling you their life story. Well, be jealous, because in my office we have three of these people. I know their entire life histories! And what I can't figure out is why they keep talking to me. You all know that look of contempt/complete annoyance I get with people I can't stand - I throw this look out at least twice a day in my office. But these people - they're like teflon! They don't get it. Seriously, I don't care about the woman on the metro who took your seat even though you have a brace on your leg b/c you injured it at soccer practice on Saturday after you went to the craft fair and got stuff to make matching mongrammed towels for your white trash neighbors who you don't really like but feel sorry for b/c their kids were recently taken away by Child Services. Stop talking to me.

8) To continue that last thought, does everyone also have that person who always wants to know what you're eating and how many calories it has and if you are on the low fat or low carb or low cal diet? These are also the people who want to share their entire daily workout with you. Really, I am not interested in how long you were on the treadmill, or how many sit-ups you did, or if your upper thighs/butt/arms/back are sore. I'm pretty sure that since you are telling me this while muching on your fourth donut of the morning none of it counts.

7)I open the mail for the three people I work for. They all have letter openers and their hands/fingers are in tact. This task annoys me, and on a daily basis, I ask myself if I learned the mail opening skill in my Political Philosophy or International Political Economy class. Because you know, I did go to college and get an education and am capable of completing some pretty challenging tasks and projects. But I guess none of that matters if you need to have your mail opened for you. When you are operating in the upper eschelons of the Washington, DC lobbying world, you are definitely too important to stop and rip open an envelope.

6)Even though our parents tell us to say "thank you" as we're growing up, I think once someone receives the title of "Director" or "Manager" or "Person who works in an office," this simple method of showing gratitude escapes them. You answered my phone all day? Great. You opened my mail? Ok. You listened to me go on and on about how wonderful and important I am? Fantastic. But not one thank you. Why is this so hard for people to say? The next time someone doesn't say thank you to me, I am going to hang up their incoming call/set their mail on fire/remind them that they are not, in fact, God's gift to the oh-so-important lobbying world. You guys know me - you know I'll do it (except the fire part - arson is grounds for arrest and I don't think my roommate would enjoy me calling from the DC Jail and asking her to come and bail me out).

5)My hours at work are 9:30 - 5:30. Weird, I know, but it works well for the people I work with. Or something. I don't really get it b/c they are never in before 10 and always leave well before 5. But anyways, there is of course that one person who always has to make comments such as "Well, someone's early today!" on that rare day when I get in early. Or that person who says "Did something happen? You're 7 minutes late today!" See this thing on my wrist? Its called a watch. But thanks for the update. And why are you timing me? Go open some mail.

4)Don't you love when you take a few minutes for yourself and check out a news site or an online chat or *ahem* a celebrity gossip site and OF COURSE that's the point in the day when your boss decides he/she needs something and actually comes to your desk instead of buzzing you? My boss caught me looking at a site yesterday and a picture of David Spade and Heather Locklear was up (sidenote: what is that???? talk about dating down!). Fortunately, I think she was so traumatized by the picture of David Spade with his shirt off that she didn't have the capability to say anything.

3)Work hangovers. I don't think we can talk about work and not talk about these moments of complete professionalism. I haven't had many weekday hangovers since taking this job, but the few I've had have not been fun. And once again - of course these are the days when you are swamped. I always lay in bed on these mornings and think "Should I go to work? I have 17 million sick days. I should use one." But I never do! And then I get to work and I'm miserable. Why don't I use common sense in this situation? Throwing up at home is so much better than in the office bathroom. But if I'm lucky, the calorie counters are around to remind me of the deficit I'm creating by spending most of the day running between my desk and the bathroom.

2)Is it bad that the highlight of my day is going to get lunch and checking out all the hot, young lawyers that ride down in the elevator from the upper floors? Either I am completely boy crazy or my job is not challenging enough. Or some combo of the two?

1)Currently, though, one of my favorite parts of the day is when any of the lawyers from my firm come by my desk to share their pearls of wisdom re: law school. Today there was the Harvard grad who stopped by to tell me that law school isn't nearly as competitive as people make it out to be. He was second in his class and had no problems getting a job! Thanks, buddy. Did you get the memo that I'm going to Gonzaga? Its a good school, but we're not talking Ivy League here. Or there was the guy who came by to tell me I really need to pay attention in Civil Procedure. I believe the direct quote is "If you miss anything in that class, you're pretty much screwed for the rest of law school." But no pressure!

I think its time to start the countdown to the day that I can escape this madness: 7 weeks, 1 day.


Blogger The Boy said...

Neat Blog!

3:45 PM  
Blogger Kelly Taylor said...

Thanks, Boy! Please note we also referenced your blog in an earlier post.

1:15 PM  

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