Blesus Birthday Season 2006 Comes to a Close

Last night marked the end of the Blesus Birthday Season. Normally my birthday is just that, a day. However, for some reason this year I've managed the milk the anniversary of my adventure through the birth canal for about a week and a half! It's great. I suggest everyone try and hustle all that they can before, during, and after your birthday. You'd be surprised how far you can get.

To update:

We All Don't Look Alike - At the local watering hole (The Big Hunt) I experienced a case of mistaken identity when a friend of a co-worker, who I had met before, sat down at our table and called me by the name of one of the other black guys in our office. When I replied with my real name, he said "oh sorry man, but you really do look like him." No I don't. This happens to me often. I usually have a good internal laugh about it especially if the person I'm being mistaken for looks NOTHING like me. Things like dreadlocks, at least 2 shades skin color difference, an accent or a prosthetic limb all fall under this general category. This guy ended up being one of the biggest losers of the evening though, sans stupid comment. His obnoxious screaming of borderline offensive things in the middle of conversations and just all-around poor socialization quickly brought him to the top of my thumbs down list. Later that night, while walking home from Townhouse with the guy who Thumbs Down Guy had originally mistaken me for, the guy says "there's just a lot of fags and white people around here." To which I replied, "so have you never been in a city before?" "yeah," he says "but I'm from Maryland." I wanted to punch him in the face. Firstly, I was blown away by the use of the f-bomb. Secondly, we're on 17th street in Dupont Circle! There happens to be a lot a rich white people and gay men. Get over yourself and go back to New Carrolton or wherever the hell you live. That's why I don't do borough. I was mistaken for this guy!!!?? Booooooo.

There's No Reason to Steal Food From Your Friends (Especially At a BBQ Where Everyone's Openly Eating the Same Food You're Covertly Stealing-) While at a daytime kegger *hangs head in shame*Kelly and I take a break from getting our asses handed to us in beer pong *hangs head again* by a girl named Ginger and her sailor boyfriend who apparently haven't seen each other in a while because they are practically pantomiming things out of the Kama Sutra on the other side of the table. I'm sure this had something to do with Kelly's and my lackluster performance. While everyone's outside we head straight to the kitchen to see what food scraps we can pilfer. The whole place is dry except a bowl of vegetables in Italian dressing, which we inhale as if we just hiked the Appalachian Trail. While I stuff green peppers and tomatoes into my mouth I make sure to keep an ear open for intruders/people who might catch us eating like street kids. I hear a door open and I immediately stretch myself across the kitchen to illustrate the fact that NOTHING is going on here except nothing. Someone peeks into the kitchen, sees me casually resting against the counter-vegetable medley crunching in my mouth-, and sees Kelly immediately behind me. Kelly apparently had not taken immediate heed to my body language because she's standing frozen over the bowl with a mouth full of vegetable medley and a guilty look on her face. I say a muffle hello which comes out more like "hewo," to which the person replies "steeeaaaling food. Nice." and walks away.

Don't Mess With Someone Else's iPod Because the iPod God Might Just Strike You Down- At said party, as with any reasonably good party, the tunes were bumping. A little Jay-z, Rolling Stones, and even Hughey Lewis and the News (the sailor put that shit on) makes any drinking event all the better. Except if you're Kelly, who at one point, tried to commandeer the iPod and set forth her own personal agenda. As we were getting ready to make our exit from the beer pong table (aka the ass whoopin' table) Kelly tried to stick it to the party one final time and pressed fast forward on the iPod as we walked by to leave. She tried to be slick about it and do the whole drive-by thing, but the cosmos had other things planned for her. What she didn't keep in mind as she committed this faux pas, was that the stairs leading up to the patio were right in front of her. This miscalculation lead to Kelly falling up the stairs directly onto her face. I laughed (of course) and as I stood over her all I said was a slow "that's what you get."

Northern Virginia: Where Inconvenience Goes to Die-On the 4th I had to go out to Virginia to a former coworker and friend's house party. At the time I didn't really think I had it in me because the day before was my actual birthday and we all threw down pretty hard to celebrate. However, I took a handful of Motrin, pulled myself together and departed my apartment to catch the subway. As I was walking I noticed the ominous dark clouds beginning to form. I could tell immediately that mother nature was going to tear DC up with one of her patented "Let Me Screw Up Your Plans for a Hot Minute" thunder storms, which have been quite commonplace this year. I made sure to pick up the pace so I didn't get rained on. By the time I came out of the subway in Ballston it looked like a tidal wave had hit Arlington. Rain-soaked streets, branches in the street, fire trucks and even a tipped over hot dog cart! Yes, apparently the gusty winds fully tipped over this rather large hot dog cart while the hot dog guy was still inside! It wasn't one of the normal little hot dog carts that you see, it was a full food and knick nack-selling fortress. Needless to say, a crowd had formed at this point and ambulances, fire trucks, police and I'm sure some knock-off journalist from the local community paper had additionally showed up to make sure peace was restored. Once you see 8 fire fighters try to heave a blown-over hot dog stand off its side you thank God you work in an office (I think I hugged my stapler when I got in on Wednesday). I was just pissed because all the blocked-off space from the fire trucks made it nearly impossible to find a cab. When I did finally get a cab and showed up to the party there was no electricity and it was hot as hell. Jesus Christ, who built this place, some colonial urban planning reject!? You sneeze over there and the place is practically in ruins! Always a pleasure Northern Virginia, always a pleasure.

Happy Monday (Not Really)- I thought that this lady might help us all usher in our respective Mondays. May we all one day have the thirst for life that this lady clearly has. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you Reverend Alecia.

That is all.


Blogger Kelly Taylor said...

I would like to add that I still have bruises and two cut elbows from that fall on the steps. That'll teach me to try and hijack someone else's iPod. Luckily, Blesus was there to laugh at me and make it all better.

11:14 AM  

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