7/18/2006

Wine, White Trash and A Whine

Well, kids, I made it out alive. But just barely. I'm not feeling particularly witty today, so I'm just going to list some highlights and then go take a nap under my desk, George Costanza-style.

1. On my way out to CA, I had a layover in Denver. The Denver - San Jose flight is an easy one, about 2 hours. I had a great seat and was ready to sleep my way to California. Unfortunately, some chick had a freaking panic attack and we had to make an emergency landing in Salt Lake City! And once we landed, she WALKED OFF THE PLANE. Ok, seriously - if you are going to have an entire plane full of people land in a different city than scheduled, your ass better be taken out on a stretcher. And when we found out it was a panic attack due to fear of flying, well. Let's just say people on the plane were not happy as we sat on the runway for another hour. Take a Xanax, lady.

2. Saw some friends from high school on Thursday night. Love these ladies, they are so much fun and I'm so happy we've stayed friends. One of them has a *ahem* spending problem and the climax of the night was when she detailed her massive debt and as a result we cut up her White Nordstroms credit card - the day before the Anniversary Sale. Then we drove to a bar in her brand new 2006 Lexus.

3. Upon arrival in Napa for the bachelorette party, we realized that we of course needed to kick the weekend off with a bottle of champagne.....and then some Pinot Noir......and then some red bull/vodka. It was no surprise when one of my friends fell off of a stationary stool at the bar of the restaurant where we had dinner and when she landed on the stone tiled floor, looked up at us and said "This feels just like a pillow." It took three men to get her drunk a** up off the ground.

4. Men will do anything to get attention from a group of 11 lovely ladies. One guy took his boxers off for the bride. Another guy serenaded her with "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling." And yet another did the Running Man, despite not actually knowing what it was or how to do it. Here's a picture to illustrate the ridiculousness of this man:

We all realized that Joe wasn't the man for us when he asked if we wanted to "walk across the highway" with him and "sing some karaoke at the LampLighter." Sorry, Joe - I don't cross the freeway to get to any bar.

5. The same night that we had the good fortune to meet Joe, we also met a man who is a dentist and is apparently very unhappy with his marriage b/c he spent the entire night looking down one of the girl's tops and trying to practically lick her face. The eventual presence of his wife - who insisted on taking dozens of pictures of our group - didn't deter him one bit. The night ended with them in a screaming fight and him trying to leave the bar but being too drunk to actually push the door open. One of my friends had to help him.

6. My mom travels a lot for work. Every time I go home, there are little bottles of shampoo and conditioner from hotels where she's stayed in my shower. And I guess I just want to know why my mom can't actually put a full bottle of shampoo and conditioner in the shower for me. I know I am only home like once every 7 months, but come on! You can't expect me to subsist on sample-sized bottles of bad hair treatment! And what's worse - they didn't have any open wine sitting around the house to compensate!!!


3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I usually give the travel condiments to the homeless shelters...and she knows how to use a corkscrew...I taught her

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